Currently Listening If Only You Were Lonely Version A By Hawthorne Heights Decembers see related

It's time for another edition of Dear You.

Dear You,

I hate you. I hate everything about you. You think that everything is a popularity contest and I can't fucking stand it. You're so goddamn full of yourself that you wouldn't be able to see me looking down the barrel of the gun I want to kill you with. I can't stand you. I hate when you come over here. No one cares that you go to CHS. You need to stop claiming Clayton like it's your home. You live in fucking Baden. You live in the hood of hoods in the city, and you act like your top notch Clayton quality republican. You're a fucking idiot.

You spent all those years talking shit on me because I dated white girls and not black girls. Well, funny thing is, a lot of black girls are all interested in the same carbon copy niggas out on the market, and I don't know if you couldn't tell, but that's definitely not me. You sit here and play the buddy-buddy routine to my face, but when I'm not around, you run my name through shit and dog me up and down until you're about to have a fucking orgasm. What the fuck ever.

Don't come over here anymore and eat all our fucking food. Take your ass home and do that. Don't call me asking for a ride home because you're "right off of Clayton Rd." and I'm at work. Don't ask me what I'm doing, where I'm going, if Stasy's with me or whatever you have to ask, because I don't wanna hear it, and I damn sure don't wanna fucking answer it. Talk all you fucking want to about me, my hair, my "relationship" with Stasy, whatever gets you off,  I don't give a shit anymore. You think that afro is cute? It's fucking disgusting! It doesn't make you anymore attractive to white girls that you have this ungodly nappy afro that you can't do anything with.

The first job you've ever had (that I know of) you get fired from twice for the same thing: no call, no show. And don't sit here and blame me because your ass was about 5 blocks from the fucking place, but you wanted to kick it with your friends. Whatever, at least I was actually doing something with my fucking time. Stop sitting around with your friends and get off your ass and go get a job, because you really need one. You're not a clayton kid. You don't get to sit on your ass and not understand the concept of a dollar that you've earned. You're not filty fucking rich with a fucking trust fund worth more than any amount of money I could ever earn waiting for you. You need to grow up. Don't talk about my brother and how he sucks at planning his future. Don't talk about me and how I've got tickets out the ass. My mom doesn't work at the Board of Alderman and get my tickets fixed for me, asshat. Don't say shit to me anymore. Don't get on my computer, don't touch my shit, don't even attempt to get my motherfucking attention anymore. I want nothing to do with you.

You treated your fucking job like high school and made it a fucking popularity contest between me and you over who can get the most numbers and stupid shit like that. Do you think I care about those girls? Yes, they're ungodly attractive, but I'd rather make money then get phone numbers and ass 24/7. At least I'm still employed. Everything we do, you turn into some sort of contest, and you think you're winning, when you only start out strong, but end up crashing and burning in the end.

Long story short: FUCK.YOU. I do not like you. I don't care that you're family, you're a fucktard and you need to get knocked the fuck off your high horse to bring your cocky ass down a couple of notches. You talked about Dan being egotistical. At least Dan was a respectable person, unlike you. You're as shady as the fucking night itself. I hope you fucking choke on all that bullshit your full of and fucking die.

Dear You,

I can't wait until you fuck up again. You'll never hear the end of it. I can't stand you either, and I have to fucking live with you! You think you're the fucking shit just because you get paid more than me? Get over yourself. Where does all your money go anyway? At least you guys see the shit I waste my money on. We don't even know where your checks go. You don't do shit. You go move boxes for a living. FOR A LIVING! You're not doing anything with your life, you're just working at UPS. Temporary my fucking dick. You've been there for nearly two years and you show no fucking sign of slowing down either. You're ass is stuck there, and you know you won't leave. That's why you're trying to find a SECOND job to have to work at UPS as well: because you can't leave. That's why I didn't even bother to start there. I don't want to be trapped somewhere all my life. Fuck that shit.

You want drama? Okay, I'll give you drama, and I'll put this shit on the internet! You've had the pregnancy scare more than once, and you're ass didn't even learn when it happened those two times. You didn't learn shit anyways, you're just settling down with some chick whose in the military and has a fucking kid. You can say whatever you want about me and Stasy as well, but don't get me started on your crazy bitches. Let's not forget the chick you let drive Dad's car into a fucking inamimate object in an alleyway or so the story goes. Or the bug-eyed bitch that had you pussywhipped for who knows how long? Or the dumb bitch you were just with recently who was apparently smart as fuck, but couldn't help your sorry ass graduate on time. Now, you're settling down with your ex's ex-best friend and you think you've got no drama? Fuck that! I've never seen you write anything in your lifetime, and you probably never lifted a pencil you're entire time in high school, but you'll write this chick love notes? What the fuck ever.

You're an idiot. You need mommy and daddy to hold your hand through everything you do. I don't need that extra push. If I want something done forseriously, it's fucking done like that. No questions asked. You on the other hand, have to keep getting that extra push and shove and eventual punch to even get you headed in the right track. Are you even going to college? Didn't think so. I don't care about the bills, I'll take care of it in the end. But you. Oh you. You've got excuses out the ass as to why shit doesn't get done. My excuse is simple: I didn't fucking do it. If I don't feel like it, I don't feel like it, and shit won't get done. You need to own up to your shit and just fucking tell the damn truth. You're not moving out, you're too busy moving boxes and writing love notes to even think about anything else other than those two things. You walk around here like you're the shit, when you're just shit.

I don't care that I get paid about half of what you get paid, at least I'm happy with my life. You're fucking miserable. Look at you. Why do you even get your hair done so much? You're not going anywhere. You're not doing anything. You just fucking sit around the house and eat and sleep. And don't talk about my traffic tickets, you fucker, because you've totalled two minivans, and ran into a fucking tree in a car that didn't belong to any of your immediate family. You've had two warrants, numerous speeding and other tickets, and who knows what else?

Stop acting like your the definition of the perfect guy because you're not. You're nothing. If you wanna make this a competition for mommy and daddy's love fine. Take it! What the fuck am I gonna do with it? I love my parents, but I'm gonna ride thr dicks for love and affection. I can't pay bills with that shit. Besides, grandpa likes me more anyway. Slow and steady wins the race, asshole.

Dear you,

You're like my best friend, but you're so two-faced. I don't know what to think of you anymore. It seems like the more and more I hear your voice, the more you're dogging me as well. Well, whatever. If you wanna go down that road, go ahead. I value your friendship, but I'm not gonna bend over backwards to be your friend while you sit on me and talk shit about me like the rest of them. I really really really value your friendship, and you are my best friend, but I'm not going to stand here and just pretend like I don't hear you. You need to....well, not pick a side, but at least show your true colors around everyone. Don't hide one part of you for someone and hide the other part from me or us. You need to just blend them together into one you. I'm sure it'll be an awesome you. Congrats on your new VW, that Honda was just falling apart.

Regardless of how much I can't stand you at the moment, I still cherish our friendship.

Dear you,

You're a flat out bitch. I can't stand you, but at the same time, I love you so much, it's scaring me. I can't stand that I'm not with you, and I can't stand the way you are. You're leeching habits really piss me off, and that's why I didn't like you calling me all the time. I knew it'd come to a screeching halt like it did, so I nipped it in the bud. Please understand that I have serious feelings for you, but that's all they are. Feelings. They'll be dormant for a long long time and I'll always remember you. You know you did me oh so wrong, and I'm never going to let you live it down, but for what it's worth....

I forgive you and I'm sorry.

Call me sometime, as long as you're not getting married.....well, don't call me. Just know I'm always here.

Dear you,

You're like the long-distance/internet girlfriend I never had. I can't stand that you're so far away. I wish I could live in your closet just to know that you're there and I can see you. I wish I could just hold you and never ever ever let you go. It kills me that I can't go to Cornerstone, but I'm going to make it up to you. I promise. I don't know how but I will. I don't know how you feel about me, but I don't really care, because I'm so blinded by your light. I love you so much, and I could never ever tell you that to your face unless it was the only way I could save myself from death. I have a really hard time getting my feelings out, especially in person, but I love you so much, it's killing me that you're so close but so far away. I think of you so much, and how happy you may or may not be. It's really creepy, but I can't help it. You're a fucking drug that I'm dying to try. I hope one day I can actually show you how I feel about you, but for now, I'll just be a quiet admirer.

Dear you (two),

If I were to die right now, I'd call you and tell you that you're all a friend could ever ask for. We've been through and done some really crazy shit, but in the end, we all end up together, getting wasted in the comfort of your apartment playing Halo or watching some stupid ass movie. You guys are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm such an amazing person all because of you two. I'm glad that regardless of how long of a space I don't catch up with you guys, you still treat me like a friend, and are very hospitable. Well, I'm sure you're tired of me running out to your place and getting shitfaced now, but I'll pay you back sometime soon. That's a promise. I'm pricking myself and dotting my keyboard with blood right now to ensure it. This blog is my witness....wow I'm a moron.

Dear you,

You are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you different. And yea, it's because you're part asian. I'm so happy for you and Billy. I wish nothing but the best for you two.

Dear You

I stole this idea from a romantic interest in Bloomington, Illinois.

Dear You:

Yet again, you've done what I thought you did: Jumped to the wrong conclusions. Let's start with all the facts:

You said: She gave you dirty looks:
She said: She didn't give you any dirty looks because she had no reason to. She doesn't even know you. Her friend A might have, but why would you even worry about A? She's a little too loose for her own good.

You said: See called your phone and talked shit on you.
She said: She doesn't even have your number. She didn't call from your ex's phone because she didn't ask him for it. I clarified this with him as well. She damn sure didn't call from my phone because I had too many important things going on to give her my phone to crank call you and your man.

You pretty much said: The party sucked.
I'm saying: That's because you went and sat in your car and did god knows what in the car. I don't know and I don't care, but you can't sit here and expect me to be your only friend at the party. You isolated yourself from the party, and you probably didn't even bother to go downstairs. You just walked around outside and talked to my parents upstairs. There were lots of people here. Pick someone and start talking. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't make new friends. If that's the case, you need to lose him. No offense or anything.

You said: I'm two faced
I'm saying: Fuck you. I  never said that she wasn't coming. I never told you Andy wasn't coming either. You never even asked me if she was going to be there. Why would it matter to you, you don't even know the girl!

You said: You did the right thing and no one ever gives a shit.
I'm saying: So what? You make it sound like you're doing it to get attention. It's the things that no one notices that make you a righteous person, not the things you do and everyone notices.

For the record, let's recall that I hungout with you because you were my friend, and because it was only right that I come and see you since I don't get very much time to these days. Then again, I question that, because it can't be my fault that you never really made an effort to come out and see me except when you were totally shitfaced and needed a safe place to lay over for the night.

I invited you to the party simply because I didn't want to hear any shit from you later about not inviting you, so I did, knowing ahead of time that you wouldn't do anything here, but make yourself uncomfortable and bitch about [insert extremely unrelated topic here]. I invited you because I figured that you would have grown up by now, but I was obviously wrong. You haven't changed a bit since way back when, and that's because no one's calling you out on it, so here it is, I'm fronting you out.

Grow the fuck up. We're not going to go through this "Whose more mature" shit again just because you come around. We're all done and out of high school with jobs, friends, and plans for the future. You're still in high school, probably with no plan afterwards, except you're talking about getting married to some dude who cries about nearly everything according to you, but it's okay, I can see the maturity seeping out of you.

After writing all of this, I realize something important: I don't like you. You're not my friend, and you never were. You were an acquaintance, a fuck buddy, and that's about it. I'm disappointed that it took me this long to realize it. All the shit I went through, which I don't regret, didn't even phase me until now as I recap all of it and how it just wasn't worth it. Not when you were with him or me, it just wasn't worth it. You're not too clingy or anything like that, you're just fucking stupid. I wanted to be your friend, and I hoped that the past would stay there, but unfortunately, you are the past. You're fucking living in it. You haven't grown up a bit. You still smoke, you still play the victim, you still whine about everything, and you still jump to the wrong conclusions, only now you've got a new boyfriend and a license. Oh shit, my little baby is growing up! Not a fucking chance in hell. I'm disappointed in you, and I want to smack some sense into you, but it's not like you'd even feel it. You're too busy making your own life miserable to notice anyone else around you and your fiance. Have a nice life, moron.

that's only ONE of these really kickass letters, and I felt it was important to do this so she could see it. The rest will be in one big post here, on my other xanga, AND my myspace. That way, everyone can read it.

it's amazing how everything you work for. all the time you've spent trying to move on, forget or however you attempt to walk away from the past, that everything can come crashing down because of

one.

single.

instant.

message.

No I don't hate you.
Don't wanna fight you.
No, I'll always love you,
but right now, I just don't like you.

senior prom is a nightmare.

as if things couldn't get really really bad, my date cancelled. blegh. the tux looks nice though. and i bought some aviators today. YAY!!!

i feel like a bum after watching Fun With Dick & Jane.

My mom is a jackass. She gave me her car to do my errands...w/ the fuel light on. I don't get paid til 1pm. I have to take my little sister out too. WHAT.THE.HELL. I have a prom to finance and she wants me to spend my shitty little paycheck on her car and my little sister? Yea right. Whatever. I don't see that happening....EVER. Not to mention she wants me to run around the city come 4pm.....FUCK.